No one is perfect, so am I, am u, am everyone

Since my last post, I had develop a fond interests on reading ASIAPAC comic book regarding philosophy and strategy. I use to read those when I was still a kid, and somehow re-reading some titles has spark of my interest yet again and I had decided to buy more of those book. Unfortunately, most of the old title that I am interested in are no longer in publish, but no worries, I still manage to get quite a bit to add on to my collection. :)

But today, it's not about those books but is about what I had learn by reading those books. I made a realization that I am actually a very selfish person, not because I sell fish of course. Disclaimer: I really don't sell fish.

Joke aside.

Some of you might already know or guess it from my previous post that I recently broke up with my girlfriend, it's been more than a month now. No worries I am ok since I was the one that initiated it? But putting the guilt and promise aside, I began to think back, was my choice, my decision a good one, what is love and will I regret it in the future.

And it hit me, the decision was definitely a good one, not because the 3 years we had been together was a suffering or waste, it is not I assure everyone. It has been a good 3 years but because I was afraid to open up, things start building inside that make me feel that maybe she was not the one that I truly desire, I thought I could just bury it deep inside but I couldn't and it become more of a routine, a responsibility, a promise and not love. So we broke up.

It was not her fault, but fully mine, I was selfish, I was a coward who escape from the problem and not work things out. I ran when problem arise, I choose to run and not face it till it build up till something that I can't comprehend. But it is the past now, I have learn to let it go. Every relationship is a learning point for the next one and that I learn that I need to voice up when I am unhappy, because in the end I am not a saint that will be able to bury those inside forever, I am just a human.

And humans have feelings.

Voicing out doesn't means you are angry, is a form of respect for oneself and the other. You voice out so that both party can understand each other better, and grow. If opinion doesn't align, then break up if needed instead of dragging it and ended up hurting both party even more. Am I right?

And that is the first part of the story.

Remember that I say that it was a good decision, but the why wasn't really explain previously. And here is the why, I had a crush on someone right even before we broke up, like a week or so. Of course is not because of the crush that I broke up with my gf or was it? Truth to be told, the thought of breaking up has already been there long before the crush show up, but because of the arise of the crush, it make me realize or see the bigger picture of what I am holding on.

It wasn't love, it was just a promise, a responsibility and the feeling of not wanting to be alone and that is why I am selfish. Is not bout my girlfriend but it was about me, me holding on to the relationship wasn't about her, but was about me and it isn't fair to her for me to hold it on any longer and that was why the decision was a good one. It is better for me and her this way, to search for a better someone, who knows in the future we might patch back or not? Haha.

But now isn't the time to patch back, because I know that is not love that will bond the patch, at least from my side, it's just the feeling of not wanting to be alone, the feeling of missing out, the feeling of not finding someone equal or better than her and because I know my crush don't feel the same way.

Because of those reason, that why it hit me. I wasn't in love but was just in love with the feeling of not wanting to be alone and it was selfish. I made a mistake once, and I had learn and I won't make the same mistake again. This post serve a purpose for my future self, is a promise I made to my future self that I won't patch back with her or go into any relationship as of yet till I get rid of the feeling of not wanting to be alone, because I will NOT make the same mistake my past self has made, to get into a relationship because of companionship and not true love.

So what does this all means?

It means I should not get into a relationship when I am unsure of what I want, only when I know my feeling is true, true to her and not just because I am lonely. I am a hopeless romantic, one day I will find that someone who feel the same way, the same way as I do and we will live happily ever after. It isn't a race but a marathon, I shouldn't rush things and let nature take it cause.

And so, I am a selfish prick, I admit, not just in relationship but in everything else. I am not selfless like what a pisces are known to be, I am the total opposite. But it is alright, at least I know now and can began changing for the better. Be true to myself and the world, is a baby step, but at least is a step to a better me. :)

Before I end it off, I would like to share a story that I read a while ago (maybe years ago), regarding been content.

And it goes something like this,

There was this boy who live with his grandma in a house near a cornfield. He asked his grandma about what is love. The grandma then tell the boy to go to the cornfield and find the biggest and best corn in the field, but there is a catch, "you can only go in a straight line, cannot turn back to pick up the corn that you had already past and lastly, you can only choose one corn and the decision is final"

The boy was excited and ran to the cornfield to search for the biggest and best corn in the field. He walk and walk and found a big one and he thought "This corn is big, should I take it, will there be a even bigger one up ahead?" and so he stop and think for a while and then decided to carry on walking to search for a bigger corn instead.

So he walk and walk and yes, he did found a bigger corn but the same thought came to his mind, so he made the same decision to carry on walking. Before long, he reached the end of the cornfield and came back to his grandma empty handed.

The grandma then said, "if you keep on searching for the best, the better, you will end up with nothing, because there is no best or better in the world, it's only in the mind. As long as you are content of what you have is the best then it is the best."

The boy then understood what the grandma meant, love isn't about finding the best match, the best person or the perfect person. Because no one is perfect. Is all about been content with what you have, been content what you have is the best you could have.

The grandma then told the boy to go to the cornfield again with the same rule, but this time the boy return with a corn even before he reach the end of the field, he came back excited, happy and content with the corn he had.

In life, we often try to search for the best, the better, not just in love but in everything. But is there really the best or the better in the world? It is just perspective, a mind gimmick, we will never have the best or have enough because that how things are. Only when we stop searching for the best, the better and be content with what we have, that is true happiness indeed.

Time Flies in a Blink of an Eye

It has been awhile since my last post, okay not awhile but you get the point. 

It is really heartening to read through what I have wrote in the past and it does bring back memories. The good, the bad and sometimes shiver down my spine.

What got me back was the calling from my past self, after reading what I wrote in the past, it does help to open up my mind and remind me of what the reason why I started in the first places.

To share my thoughts as well as providing insight to people who are feeling the same way. More importantly it set as a reminder to my future self to not fall in the same trap that the past self did.

But today this post isn't about negative thought that I have but in fact I been more positive as ever, I started listening to podcast a few months back and it taught me alot, regarding my work, yes I am a grown up now and had started working. SURPRISE!!!! Jokes aside, it also taught me about positivity, thinking positively and many life lesson along the way.

This all started with a thought that I had, what I want to achieve in life. I knew I didn't put in much effort in school but somehow going to adulthood has make me realize what I really want to achieve, where do I picture myself in a few years time, what do I want my friends, family and peers to see me as?

And it shock me. Why you may ask. Because I want to be successful but the path that I am on won't cut it. Thus I began to focus to improve myself, going for meetup to meet new people and make new connection. (Truth to be told, it is a really bold step for me as it is really out of my comfort zone) But so far it has been positive.

Another bold step that I told was to join toastmaster, yes public speaking. ME? Public speaking? It's hard to believe why I even join, but the motivation lies in what I want to be in the future, if I foresaw myself to be successful then public speaking isn't something I can avoid therefore I have to start this bold step and hope that it will pay out in the future. I am sure it will haha.

Life is also been a mix feeling so far. I make a big decision which I am not sure if I will regret in the future recently. Confusion, guilt, relieve, happiness, sadness etc. All kind of feelings good and bad, but if that is the decision I choose to made, I better hold on to it.

This is also one of the reason why I started writing yet again, because I need to let it go, let it gooooo because it is healthy, healthy to share your thought, to say out your feelings. I am an introvert if you haven't realized yet from all my post, haha. Although I may seem very outspoken or etc, but deep down I am an introvert. I always have a hard time connecting with people in this deep level where I can share my feeling and everything just bottom up inside of me. But I guess, writing it down is a form of release??

Times flies, really. It's been 6 years since my last post and 3 years since I started on a journey and of course the journey has ended because I decided that the train isn't leading it to where I foresee to go. I hope I don't regret this decision, it was really a wonderful train journey but the destination had become blurry and may not be the places I want to go.

**deep breath**

**deep thinking**

I guess it was my choice and I had to accept this decision, maybe a few years down the road when I look back, I may feel how dumb I was or how good that decision is? Who knows right? Who know where the future lead. But just because I do not know where the future lead, doesn't mean I should be afraid, I need to remind myself that the unknown is scary but it is also where opportunity lies.

When you ever second guess yourself, it is always good to take a step back and look at the bigger picture, what do you want? Where do you see yourself in the future? Are you on the right path? What your decision, and if you had decided, focus on committing to it as that is the best damn choice you can make for you right there right now.

I would like to end it off with a quote, your choice, your future, choose wisely.

Hey! I am Back!

First thing first, blogger has change so much till I don't even know how to use it. :(

It's been 5 Months, I think I believe, I assume? O.o

Since that incident, I have change quite a bit. I guess is not quite a bit but quite a BIG change. Haha.

This post shall serve as a guideline for the future me.

So here I go.

Is 5 month really enough to forgot someone something somestuff. Maybe? NOT. Haha. During the first few month, I really hope that things will change, hope that she will be back. True enough, a month later. She text me, my friends told me not to message her, but I still did. I was actually hoping we be back together. Haha. I didn't told anyone about that because they would just say how stupid I was. But its was all a lie, we can never be back together at all. It's just my wishful thinking, at least she seem happy now. I guess I am not a good guy, I am not humorous, I am not funny, I am boring. So ya, you get that point right?

Guess you mean, lack of confidence in yourself? Hmmm, guess you are right. Haha. But why? You didn't know how hurt I was, I thought I can move on. I meet a girl, get her number, chat with her. Keep telling myself, as long as I can get a GF, my confidence will be back. But NO, this isn't the right way, you can't force stuff like this. The girl I met, she cute and funny. But deep down, she isn't my type I guess? And so am I for her. I am been selfish here, trying to change my attention away. Haha. But true enough, my attention really did shifted. I don't think of my past that much anymore but still the damage is done. It won't be heal so fast. You know what I mean. So I am still searching for a GF, I think so? But for what? That I don't know.

I know I know, you don't need a GF.You just need a girl who you can chat with and shout all you one? Maybe. But still sometimes, I still think about what I could do with a GF. Haha. But still, I think I am talking crap so I will stop my stupid crappy story here. Guess no one will see it too. I am the invisible man remember? No one care. Haha. Because I can't really start a good conversation well and thus you know what I mean.

NEXT! Today main purpose is not about my story, but what I am going to say nextttt.

Alright, After sometime of thinking, I realise Love is just like dyeing your hair?

At first, you are single, with black hair. Then you saw this special someone and she/he was added to you life. Like dyeing your hair. Adding colors to your life? But it won't last long, as color will soon be push out by the growing black hair. Right? It's it like a relationship, slowly fading away? True, some people will last forever and ever and married each other but do wait. I haven't end my story yet. But a relationship need to be maintain like how you maintain your hair, using conditional and color protection shampoo. This help to make the relationship last longer, true right since you maintain your hair so the color will last longer. Make sense? But then no matter how you maintain it, there will be some major problem. Like how your black hair will always grow out no matter what. This is when you have to choose, to cut away the color hair so your hair will remain in the same color, in this case black. This mean a break up of course. But you can also re-dye your hair and carry on this relationship, re-dyeing your hair is just like you solving a problem in your relationship. Problem always will come, this is part of a relationship, but it's up to you, up to how you maintain and solve your problem. Don't wait till it's too late and boom, a cut is a must. :((

To all couple out there, cherish your partner. Maintain it and remember it's your effort, your choice which decide how the relationship go about. Haha. Enjoy.

I never double check this post so, mistake is a sure thing and of course it might not make sense because, I am not thinking. Haha. Trolleeddd :P

It's Just A Mirror Image

I know it's been long since I last post, sorry bout that....P.S.

Anyway, sometime in life is best you don't know anything. It's a fact as life can be really cruel sometimes.

There is something that will embark in my mind forever.

Thou I don't speak, doesn't mean I don't care.

Thou I don't see, doesn't mean it didn't happen.

Thou I don't hear, doesn't mean it's never been spoke.

BUT...

Thou I speak, doesn't mean I am unhappy.

Thou I see, doesn't mean it happen.

Thou I hear, doesn't mean it's been spoke.

I am rather confuse, I believe so, I guess??

The reason why I am confuse is because my mind is full of unfinish thought. The reason been I am too tired to think this few weeks. I am very tired, and that the reason why I didn't post.

Confuse about what?

That a good question, if I know I won't be so confuse now.

Today I woke up with a very werid feeling I also don't know why. And I thought about it and it's not that at all.

Then what could it be......Hmmmmm...

Maybe it's just me I guess.

Maybe I just think too much I guess, maybe something is bothering me without me knowing.

Let's live life to the fullest bah!!

It's just trying to make me sad, make me worry, make me think, make me make a mistake. But you know what, it's actually working. I did try to prevent it from bothering me, but still things just get worse each time.

Thou I seem like I don't care, I do.

Thou I seem like I am fine, I am not.

Thou I seem like I am calm, I aren't.

Many things I care, and one of the most fear is of course

****** ***,

studies,

GPA

& 

many others.....

I have been through 18 years of my life, and in about 3 month+, I am about to go through 19 years of my tough years. From a baby, I grow till now. Many painful path I have been through, and soon I am about to go through another painful path. Though it shouldn't be hard, because I have been through much more in the past. What could be more sorrowful then the 5 months that I have been through in the past. But all is the past now. It's time things get real and hard. Tomorrow is 13 dec 2010, by right the number 13 is my lucky number, so I believe the math paper should be fairly easy I really hope. Then there come 14, it's not 13 so it isn't my lucky day, but still it's a important day. Some of my friends may know why, but I am not about to say it here. If not won't it spoil the day?

But the thing is, it's special but will it be special after that day? Who know right, no one know the future. But still I am worried. Why, because things don't look good from my point of view. Really, because things don't make sense, because things I heard, because things I thought. OMG, my life is screw by my mind. HAHAHA

But the thing I wanna say to you all is that, no matter how tough it is, always keep walking, cause if you stop, you will be left behind. Because all this is part of a test in you life that make you stronger, somehow, somewhat you might not realise it yet, but one day when you look back, you will.

Life is like a Melody

My header is from someone blog, just hope she won't mind. I will give credits to her for that header. =D

Finally I have reach 100view, it's good to see that my blog has been visited for a 100 times. It may not be alot, but to me it is very important.

Anyway, this fews days is like a melody to me, with some high notes and some low notes. I am seriously crazy. Officially. =(

I am writing a post on a sunday night, with a stupid headache bothering me. Won't it be even worse, when I am having a slight sore throat. OMG, having lack of sleep this fews days, maybe is this fews months. If I don't really get my sleep well, I believe I will really one day faint somewhere.

Alright, what I want to say is take care of ourself, because if you aren't well, how are you suppose to take care of others.

Friday was a normal day I would say. It was one of the high key, had greats fun with friends on tampaines. Haha. And nothing would be better that hearing a good news. I won't say bout it much, cause I had promise not to speak of it.

I couldn't sleep well, because I was too happy, and also because saturday I was going to see someone, so once I woke up, I couldn't fall back to sleep. haha. But little did I know, dark clouds are slowly approaching. Then finally it strike, I when to fetch someone without that someone knowing haha, then it's when the bad things came. I won't talk about it much because, yeah it's a sercet I could say. Upon hearing the news, I feel sad, but more importantly, is because someone else is sad. I didn't know what I could do, but just sitting there staring through space, and ask that someone don't be sad. How bad of me right haha.

That night, some friends call me for a game of 2 of dota. That someone still reply me, but after a long long long delay. I wasn't sad or wat, but a bit worry that all. Because or maybe I just trust in that someone. Because I knew that someone need some time alone.

Sometimes Love is about thinking and caring for the opposite party more than yourself. I read a poster in my aunt house and it's say when you love someone expect nothing in return, because you choose to have them not they choose to have you. Meaningful right. But I just didn't know if I can be that someone who expect nothing in return. I am definitely trying to do it and I hope I can.

In life many things happen, we usually compare ourself to others, like wow, your grade is so good, wow you got such a good girlfriend, wow you are so rich, wow and many more. But have we ever realise comparing with others, only make us sad. But that not my point, my point is don't compare with other. Because you never knew the dark side of their life. Things happen because we didn't know, and because we didn't know, we thought it didn't happen or didn't come true. But sometime is just that we didn't know it happen or come true.

Then when the moment I was about to sleep, I felt abit of sorrow. Then the next day happen, I was very worry, my cousin woke me up at 9, and usually I would ignore and go back to sleep, but the first thing I did was to check my phone, then I when back to sleep and work up at 10 to check my phone once again. I guess I was just over concern. Maybe I should relax, maybe I shouldn't care. And this sentance is so rythm, clap clap for making a nice sentance? O.o

I had lot's of fun today, but I guess I was abit worry and therefore I think too much and become abit emotional, or maybe I was very tired, as you know I haven't have a good nights sleep just yet. Had a nap at 8-11pm, and I have this werid dream which is fading away. But I dream about something, about someone. =) Kk, let's not talk about it. That all for today, I am off to bed.

Every passing second, is making me worry more and more....

Thoughts?

My eyes see the FACT which I assume it is TRUE.
But my eyes only see the FACT and not the TRUTH.

I see the REASON behind each ACTION.
But not the ACTION behind each REASON.

My ears listen to THINGS which I believe it is the ANSWER.
But my ears don't hear the FACT produce by every STORY.

I hear the EXPLANATION behind each PROBLEM.
But not the PROBLEM resulting in an EXPLANATION.

My brain had an ANSWER which I think it is REAL.
But my brains believe the FACT which is not the ANSWER.

I think of ANSWER which is not the TRUTH.
But not the TRUTH behind each ANSWER.

My heart feel WORRY because I am CONFUSE.
But my heart still WORRY despite my TRUST.

I feel the FEAR behind every TRUTH.
But not the TRUTH creating the FEAR.

LOVE?

Drinking a thick ice Milo, writing my own post. Yesterday, I took a walk to Down Town East from my home, then to White Sand. Took a stroll around my secondary and primary school neighborhood. Feeling tired. I had been thinking about much stuff as I walk. I wonder what make you love a person. Their looks? Their character? Or is it just the feeling you get when you are with them?

I am puzzled, lurking around my neighborhood, searching for an answer. I am still learning in progress.

But before I tell you my thought, let me have some story time. =)

My heartbeat is starting to slow down, slowly but surely. Day by day has passed by and I and feeling more tired. Will I one day just disappear from this world?

Time is precious, every second count.

Tick-tock, tick-tock, the clock is ticking. Once there was this boy, he has this believe that he is still young and his life won't end so soon. So he spent his life playing and fooling around. He never studies hard thus his grade was not that good. But his parent was good to him, never did they pressure him. Still this boy was not happy, because he felt his parent has neglected him. He has friends but he always feel he is not welcome, but still he always crack funny joke to spice up the mood. He love to play computer games, and that was his life. He was often called the lone ranger. Because he was always emoing in his own lonely world.

One day his girlfriend broke up with him, not actually broke up but just asking for a break, because she need time to study for the up-coming exam. He didn't believe, and began to think.

While he was walking home, it started to rain, but still he carry on walking. He felt so down. He keeps saying to himself, "Why is my life so sad".

Then BANG! Came a loud crash.

That young boy fell on the ground. Every passing second his heartbeat started to slow down.

He passed out!

It's not the end yet, don't stop reading. ;)

That boy re-awake, but not as a human being, but as a sprit. Then an angel came and told him, do you want to know why your life is so sorrowful?

Yes please the boy said.

The angel flicks his finger and brought him to his funeral. He saw his parent crying. Only at that very moment he realizes, sometime LOVE doesn't need to show. That was his first sorrow the angel said.

Next, with another flick. The angel brought him to his girlfriend house. He realizes that his girlfriend was crying. Crying because she loves him. Then he realizes LOVE is also about trusting each other. That was his second sorrow.

Last, the angel flick again. This time the angel bought him to his past. He saw his best friend apologies to the teacher. His friend said: "It was not his fault, it was mine. He didn't copy my work; it was I who copied his." Upon hearing this he realize LOVE come in all kind of shape and size, but more importantly LOVE come from the heart. That was his last sorrow.

The little boy vanishes and thus this marks the end of this tale.

In life sometime we didn't realize the little things that other do for us. Because we aren’t there, we didn't know. And because we didn't know, we began to having funny thoughts and do funny stuff. But we fail to realize what good things other had done for us, that little stuff that we never had realized. So what is my thought?

Hmmm, that a good question.

Believing Is Key

*Yawn Yawn*

What a way to start a post :P

Believing in DREAM;
Believing in FATE;
Believing in LUCK;
Believing in LOVE;
Believing in MONEY;
Believing in FREIENDSHIP;

All this can be lacking, but you can't STOP Believing in YOURSELF

In life there are sure to going to be up and down.

Think I say it before, so just be patient with me.

Life is full of up and down like a binary code. But then is all those up and down that get the job done. Same as life, those up and down are those that mold us to become a better person.

Like all stuff have their good and bad. Life has it's up and down so don't be dishearted by those minor blunders you did.

Why would people stop believing in themself?

Hmmm, that a pretty good question.

Usually is due to a lack of confidence. Some face rejection in life, some face many negative comment and some even been mock by others. This are some reason, but I would say too much because it defer from person to person.

But to believe in yourself, you need to gain confidence. Like a post I once posted, IMPOSSIBLE = I M POSSIBLE. Keep telling yourself you can do it and soon you will gain the strength and confidence and start believing in yourself.

Believing is key, as long as you believe, nothing will be impossible.

Remenber, think positive, that the first step in believing yourself. Jia you, you can do it. :)

Bought A New Earpiece

That all I have to say for today. Read someone blog, and I felt so... I also don't know why. Anyway I won't say who but this post is use for future usage. Because I am storing today date and time in this post as to do something next time. Which I know it'll be a awesome post but I ran out of idea. So cya. :))

Finally have an idea on 14/11/2010 and so as promise, here is my post to a special someone.


Sometime in life, you may feel lost.
In reality, feeling lost is normal.
Eventually, you will find someone.
Who will bring you out of your funny little world.

Time will heal your empty heart.
Indrani will be there for you.
Not to forget, I be there too.
Girl be strong, your friends are there also.

Impress by your feeling and courage.

All I could say was.
Meeting you is a blessing.

In my heart, you are priceless.
Not to boast, but it's a fact.

Looking at you, make my day.
Only if I could see you everyday.
Viewing your blog, make me want to care for you.
Everyday I just can't stop thinking about you.

With you by my side.
It will be the most happiest thing.
That feeling can't be describe.
Hope you will feel the same way too.

You're special to me.
One of a kind.
Unconsciously, I have fallen for you.



Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Let's Move On !!!

Young as I can be, I have been through alot.
And today I feel that it's time for me to move on.
Now Let me began.
Have you ever felt regret?
Unhappy about your life?
And feeling emptiness in your heart?

I know how you feel, because that what I had felt for the past days.

Knowing the truth, wasn't always a good idea.
Nevertheless, we have to face it, because this is life.
Only by facing it, you can overcome it.
Will you want to live in the dark forever?

You won't want to right?
Open up your heart and face it.
Usually you will feel much happier and relieved.

Well, that what happen to me.
On 30/10/2010, I heard about something that make me super depress.
Not only depress, I also felt lost and confuse.
Truth are always pain to hear, but then it's those that make us stronger.

Forgetting the pain and moving on is usually the hard part.
Once you pass that stage, the things ahead will be easy.
Really?
Gosh, have I every lie to you?
I speak only what I felt and what I have learn.
Viewing through my thought and expressing it in words.
Everything that I wrote are all my thoughts and feeling.

My life was great and meaningful.
Everything I had gone through has make me stronger.

But remanber, never give up, never stop walking.
Ultimately, you will reach your goal.
Time taken to reach your goal differ from person to person.

Still you must be strong and never give up.
Till the end of Time.
I believe as long as you don't give up, dream will come true one day.
Life is all about facing obstacle.
Learn from it and grow.

Isn't it so true?

Anything can be overcome, as long as you believe you can.
My point is, have faith in yourself.

Great to be here.
On this planet call earth.
I am bless to be able to think.
Not only just able to think, I can also feel.
Good isn't it, and if you are reading this.

Then you are just as bless as me.
Overall, we are bless in one way or another.

Shall be happy for who you are.
And treasure those around you.
Yippie !!

So smile. :)
Others may speak negative of you.
Realising those are words that are trying to pull you down.
Reinvent yourself and not let it affect you.
You will feel much happier that way.



Music Playlist at MixPod.com

I feel that this song is very meaningful as it's lyric represent my feeling. :)

It's time for me to move on, because of this very special quote by unknown,
"The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."

Learn To Stand Up

It was 2am in the morning, the date was 22/10/10. I was using computer as usually. Smile. But I wasn't feel as normal as I should be. I felt unmotivated, feeling lonely at home, feeling lost.

Why?

I am sure the answer I gave will be kind of stupid but just bear with me. There are two reason,

1. I am having such bad luck this fews day that it kind of demotivated me.
2. School is about to start and there is something that making me afraid about it

Then when I was feeling real down, I decide to go to the fridge to grab a drink. Mainly because after drinking soft drink, I would normally feel much happier. Like how people drench their sorrow with alcohol. I don't drink alcohol and I hope I never will, so I use soft drink as a cover up. Haha.

While drinking my soft drink, I was hoping someone will chat with me and hear me out. Like my friend or something, or even ask me play a game of dota to calm myself. Then I when back to my computer and there was someone talking to me on MSN.

It was Hanzo, one of my old time maple buddy. At first I was afraid to talk to him, because of something that I did, which cause him great disappointed. I broke my promise on coming back to maple to make a guild, which I knew he had put in alot of effort in it. Sorry Hanzo, if you did see this.

But instead of blaming me or scolding me or whatever else I could think of. He ask me am I alright? And I remenber he said this a day before, "we dun blame u...we have our personal life loz..maple jus a virtual game.outside the maple world we still frenz rite.you free can come and talk to us inside or outside the maple world".

Such words are those which seem like just words, but it mean alot to me. We talk for around one hour till he became tired and when to bed. I told him about my competition and some stuff that is bothering me for quite sometimes ago.

Here's our conversaton,
ME: I am very unlucky this fews days in a game.

HE: Is a game, get some chill. Learn to look forward, this is what sucessful people do.

ME: Maybe that something that I need to learn.

HE: It's a life experience thing. I learn from experience, learn to take things easy.
(And he goes on and talk about how he was like me and how he overcome it, which I won't say it here, because it not right to.)

Then, after chatting for quite sometime, he told me this,
"You take sucess and defeat too hard, being top is good. Got honour and respect, but most important is the process of learning. You fall down once does not mean you will not climb to the top again. Learn from your mistake and work your way to the top. Losing a competition does not mean the end of the world, you are still young and have alot of hurldes to go. STOP THAT, it's a corward act. Climb up and try again, we will support you."

What he said has really created a deep impact, he change my mentality. Epsicially those in purple. Those are which I felt that is very meaningful and I should share it with you all. Learn from our mistake and stand up again. Most people just fall and don't stand up again, like the past me. But thanks to him I learn a valuable lesson.

It was also that day that I realise I have alot of stress build up in me. I always thought I was a carefree person, with no stress at all I suppose. My parents don't pressure me much in my studies at all. But the truth is I am giving myself stress without me knowing. True, my parent don't stress me in my studies, but because of my nature of always wanted to be the best and to do well. Stress started to build up internally. But luckly for me, I have a friend who is there to advise me of my problems. Smiles. Guess I will stop here for today as it is getting late, but I will like to end this with a quote,

"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."
By Friedrich Nietzsche.

A Step To Sucess

Have you ever tried your best and still didn't get what you wanted? I remenber this quote from someone very special to me, she said:
"The more you want the thing, the further it is."

That what she said to me. I believe her words, because it's so true.

How many times have you lost your stuff at home, and no matter how hard you try to find it, you just couldn't find it? Then when you gave up hope and stop searching for it, it appear right in front of you. And you would say, why didn't I look for it at that place? Am I right?

Recently, or should I say a few days ago. The result of a competition that I when for was out. I didn't got into the final. It hurts alot, deep down inside of me. I still remenber, on the actual day of the competition, my partner and I did our best and Mother Luck was not on our side. We scored 0/50 for the first round. Disapointed as we are, we talk about how we can do better for the second round so we could at least have a gleam of hope to go to the final.

After the first round ended, our coach told us that many of the paticipant was like us scoring 0/50. We started to have abit more hope, we told each other if we could get a prefect score for the next round, we will be able to quailified for the final. But yet again, Mother Luck was not on our side. It was not an easy task, but we manage to complete it during our test run, but during the actual run things didn't go as smoothly as we thought. Tears rolls down my eyes after the second round.

You may say I am a cry baby because I cry over such a small stuff. But the truth is I seldom cry, only when things that mend alot to me is gone. And recently I lost two things that is important to me, one is this competition and the other which I won't talk about it here.

After hearing my story, did you feel that the above quote seem true? But it's not the end of the world, because sometime you need to lose something before you can gain anything else. Like a wise man once said: "You can't fill a cup which is already full"

What it's mean is the same as what I wanna tell you. Somethings in life you will lose some stuff that is precious to you. Then what will you do? Regret? Cry? Give up?
Those are some of the stuff that most people will do, are they not? I understand how some of you may feel, you feel that the world around you are starting to slow down, time tick slower, things around you are changing so rapidly that you could't catch up. You feel lost, confuse, didn't know what you should do next. Blaming yourself, crying or even regret for not doing better.

How I know? It's because I have been through it before and this is why I wanna share the stuff that I have learn to people around me. Like a cup full with water, no matter how much you try to pour, it will just flow out. The cup full with water is like the precious things you lost. If you keep regreting or even grief over it, it will always be full. You need to take a step, empty it and then the cup can be fill again.

But the first step isn't always easy, sometime those stuff are so important that you don't wish to forget. Like the boy or girl who have broke up with you. Such things has created a impact so deep in to your heart, that you don't wish to forget. But the true is, the first step is a must to take if one's want to move on in life. The road in life is tough and at the same time it is short. They don't wait for you. If you spend too much time regreting about the past, before you know it that the end of your life.

Sometimes by losing something maybe a blessing in disguise. Let's take my competition as an example. It's true that losing in the competition is a great blow to me, because my desire of representing singapore and going to london is lost. But who knows, that by losing in the competition may open new opportuninty which I couldn't have if I was still in the competition? Or maybe by winning that competition might affect my studies, result in me unable to go to the unviersity which I wish to achieve. Right?

So to summaries all, I would like to say this. Life itself isn't easy to walk, you will face many obstacle, some which you avoid, and some which you overcome. But don't let those obstacle pull you down. Because what ever the result maybe, it's the past.

Quote for today,
"Let past be past, let present be present, what done is done, it cannot be undone."

Sorrowful Ending

It been really late at night, alone in my bedroom, staring at the computer screen and using facebook. I don't know what to do and what I should do. Sometime something just have a sorrowful ending isn't it?

It's seem that all good things must come to an end. Be it love, friends, family and the things around you. I don't have the definite answer, do tell me if I am wrong.

Why do I have this thought, because things around me are slowly drifting away. Maybe not things, but this just one stuff. But it meant alot to me, so important that I will cry when I were to lose it. I did lose it in the end, and that is the reason this post is for, to rant about me losing my precious stuff?

NO, that's not it

Things around us are always changing, the only different is the speed they changed. If we do not keep up, we will end up losing it. True or not, you decide.

What I wanna say is, I make a mistake. I didn't cherish those stuff I have and thus I end up losing it. I didn't notice that the things around me are changing and I kept myself at square one, foolish thinking that things will stay where they were and not dissappear.

But I was wrong, things changes, people changes. Things that you didn't cherish won't be yours forever. Be it love, friends or family. It's all the same. If you didn't cherish them, soon they will drift away, slowly but surely and when you realise it, it's gone.

Let's take love for example, if you don't put in effort in it, soon the love, the feeling will be gone. You can't make a girl love you forever if you constantly doing nothing to maintain the feeling and love.

True? Yes it is. Because human feeling won't stay so strong forever, if you didn't put in the effort to talk or maybe return the love to her, do you think she will love you forever? She will probably feel dishearted, and slowly her feeling will dweil, because her mind will keep telling her that there is no hope and ask her to give up. Thus do you now believe that there is no such thing as someone loving you forever if you are constantly doing nothing.

Friends are the same too, if you didnt make the effort to stay in contact or even just saying hi. Do your think you can still maintain that friendship? I doubt so.

Family are of different case, they are mostly by your side. Because they are close to you, and stay in the same roof. But you still have to put in effort. True, they won't say byebye and leave you alone. But they maybe taken away by age and sickness. And if you didn't notice or care for them, one day they will just leave you and you won't know why.

Conclusion? Things around us are always changing, put an effort, notice it and do something about it. Because things won't just stay where they are, they will disappear. Don't regret when you lost something because you didn't cherish it before. But cherish them as much as you can, before it is lost.


**Remenber
Cherish those things around you, because you never knew when they will be gone.

Asking goes a long way down

How long have you not ask for anything? How long?

Erm...ermmm...

Let me ask you, did you give advise to people?

I sure did, maybe when I know I was of any help.

Then let me ask you again? Have you actually ask for help when you need it real bad?

I will like to say yes, for some stuff. But when it comes to problem that involve about my feeling, I didn't. Because I am afraid to ask.

Why are you afraid? Fear of? It not like they will bite?

They sure won't, but maybe it's just me. Afraid to speak my mind, afraid they will say NO.

Let me tell you, in life you have to fight for your right, for yourself do you not know. Let me tell you a story, maybe that will make you more at ease. Here goes...


There was this girl; she was shy, but always kind and helpful, even to stranger. Always ready to lend a helping hand, a listening ear. But she is always afraid to ask for help. She didn't really care as each time she helped others she felt happy. But nobody knows what she has been through when she needed help, not because they don't care, but because she never spoke. One day she was fixing her house roof alone, then suddenly a wind blew and her ladder fell. She was stuck, stuck on top of her house. She didn't want to ask for help, because she was afraid. She tried to climb down all by herself. A passerby saw, he ran toward her but it was too late. She fell. By the time the passerby reached, she was in a brink of death.

The passerby say: "Why didn't you ask for help?"

She say: "Because I was afraid to be rejected, afraid to let other know how weak I am."

The passerby reply: "Asking for help doesn't mean you are weak, It just mean you are just not good in it, don't be confuse with weak and not good. They do sound the same but then it mean totally 2 different thing, being weak mean useless and stuff, but being not good mean you are just not strong in that particular stuff. No one is perfect; no one can do everything or anything alone. They all needed help some way or another. There is nothing to be afraid of, yes some may reject you but it doesn't mean everyone will reject you. Even if they reject you, it doesn't mean they hate you or they didn't want to help you, but it's just that they know they don't have the ability to do the job. I am sure someone will help you. Don't be afraid to ask, NO are hurtful I promise you, but it's also a stepping stone to success, you can ask many successful people, do they met with reject and failure. I bet they do. Sometime if no one want to help you, you can always try to do it yourself and learn, when someone see that, they will know you have tried and lend you a hand when they know it's a task you alone cannot handle. But you have to ask, if you never ask, you never know right? Only after you have ask then you will know the answer, be it a YES or a NO there is still 50% chance, but if you never ask it will be a 100% NO. A friend in need is a friend indeed right!! At least there is still 50% chance right?"

After hearing it, the girl pass away, but she finally realize what she must do. Now she knows and want to share her experience with you.

"Don't be afraid to ask, cause if you never ask, you never get the answer you want."

After hearing her story, I think you have learn a valuable lesson don't you. Learn to ask because if you never ask you never know. Your life is yours, you have to fight for what you want, never be afraid to ask, you never know that a small gesture that someone did will bring you closer to what you want or making your life more meaningful.

You reap what you sow

Life itself tells secret, many secret. After many years of going through my life, from a kid to a teenager, what have I lost and what have I gain? Today I watch a show that teaching me this, you reap what you sow.

Then I ask myself how long have you done a good deed?

I started to feel cold.

Then I ask again, have you done anything that you feel was wrong?

Many minor one, I look down in shame.

Then you deserve to be in this sorrowful state.

Why? There are many bad guy out there why me?

NONONO, you are you and they are they. Those you cannot compare.

Then tell me what must I do?

You should know, start by doing a little kindness, it will go a long way in life. Even things like pressing the lift door, which you seldom do nowadays. I am you and thus I know your secret, but I shall take it as you are immature at that time. Been misguided by your thought, everyone make mistake, so do you. Now I give you a 2nd chance, you may not do bad stuff like killing or what, but you still did some bad stuff. It’s minor, but still it's bad. Life go a long way down, who know this minor thing will become something so big you cannot control. Do what is good, do what is right. Remember you reap what you sow.

I understand, but can my past mistake be forgiven?

You can't, but you can always mend thing back by doing good. Do you recall, the happy go lucky personality of yours when you were young, so carefree, thus you always are been shovel by luck. Now I don't see that in you, you become someone so deep thinking. Someone who gave a 2nd thought even about minor stuff. Someone who has a heart of jealous, someone who think before you give, someone who is never really happy for others when they has better stuff then you. You know what I mean. Where have the YOU I know gone to? Are you still there? I know you are. If not I won't be here, I know you wanted to repent your mistake but do you know what to do?

Yes I know, Must always have a heart to help others, no reward, no fear, no worry if they become better than you. Be happy for what other has achieve, cause that got it by effort, you may say is luck, but what goes by come around, they may got it because of something else they did. And of course never become jealous of others, if they are better than you, just admit it. No point getting jealous, what you should do is learn from them.

You have grown I would say, remember this, keep this in mind “you reap what you sow”. With a bad mind, a bad heart will only bring you bad luck. But been good doesn't mean you will get good luck, remember no reward, you helped because you wanted to make others happy. I do not wish to see you ever become someone bad, because the YOU I knew are not.

A NEVER DIE HEART

Time weaken the connection with memory, yet sometime I have this undescribe feeling. Sometime when something is lost, then I start to regret, start to have memories of it.

Yet that feeling sometime can be so strong that make me feel lost, feeling that I have lost the whole world, feeling of give up.

Then is memory useful, thus sometime it make you real down, I asked. Memory make you regret your past mistake, even after you learn from it. No matter what you try to do, it would never come back.

That bring you to a deeper regret, a sense of lost, a sense of destruction. Because the thing in your memory is so important that you will die for it.

How I wish I could sleep and never wake up, but then at the brink of death itself, yet I have another thought.

I imagine a ghost who can only rebirth after he took another one's life in exchange, that ghost talk to me,

He said

"Why are you so foolish?

I make a mistake feeling I have lost everything, and I came to this deep jungle trying to get away from this world, a ghost came and took my life.

I wasn't given a 2nd chance, but you my friend I gave you a chance to choose, but hear me out first.

I was sad, all because I lost something, something very precious to me, something that make me feel like I lost the world.

I had no one to talk to, NO ONE.

Not because no one wanted to help me, but I was keeping everything to myself, trying to think of a solution.

I try all I could to get that precious stuff back, but to no avail, what lost is lost, what done cannot be undone.

I regretted my mistake and don't know what I could do.

I decided to end my life, so that I won't feel that pain anymore, cause nothing is more important than that one thing. My life was thus ended that way.

Ask me how do I feel now?

Young boy, I feel worse, in this eternal form of mine.

I had a foolish thought, leaving this world have brought me to a path of no return.

In this very form of mine, I can't even try to get back the thing that is very precious to me.

It will never be a reality for me.

I want to advise you, to tell you my life path. Not because I want to let you regret, but because I want you to understand the true meaning of life and death itself.

Yes it is true that what lost is lost, what done is done.

But does death make you recouped what you lost, that answer is of cause a big NO.

After death itself, you will also need to face the feeling of your love ones, those you love and those who love you, your friends, those you care and those who care about you.

You may lost anything even the whole world, but do you know there is something you still have?

What is it?

Is you yourself.

Upon losing yourself than it the beginning of losing everything.

Don't be like me wandering endlessly in this deep jungle, listen to me.

As long as you still haven't lost yourself, even a lost world will come back, it's just a matter of time.

Ask yourself what have you lost, let me tell you then.

YOU MY FRIEND HAVE LOST YOURSELF.

I understand your pain very well, indeed that stuff is very important but there is many other stuff you will find in the near future.

By losing yourself I guarantee you that you never get back the stuff you really want.

But as long as you don't give up on yourself there is still hope.

Tell me how much have you really try, in life something is much harder to get then others.

You may not get it yet, that mean you are not trying hard enough.

As long as you believe there is hope and keep on trying, one day I believe you can get back what you really one.

In this world no one has a heart of steel, even a rock so strong can be weaken by water dripping from above after a long time.

You are just not trying hard enough, you are just not strong enough, be yourself don't give up.

Cause I believe as long as you don't give up, you will get what you want.

Wish and dream are just driving forces, if you never work toward it, do you think they will come true by just wishing for it?

NO,NO and NO.

After telling you so much, do you feel lucky?

Lucky to have a 2nd chance, a 2nd chance to prove to the world you can do it.

Don't give up my friend I have faith in you.

One day you will get it back, no matter how hard it may be don't give up.

Even if you can't get it back, I believe your effort will bring forth something much better.

Anyway I have something to give you, A NEVER DIE HEART.

Don't give up ever, or u will see me beside u taking your life away"

One People Make History, Many People Make Legend

What I am about to write is about what I have reflected in PSPS Class.

How?

I remember the teacher say this, are you a team player or a leader? Of course I say I am a team player, mainly because I am lazy.

Let's not talk about me anymore, let me tell you what I have reflected.

Here goes,

What does this sentence mean "One People Make History, Many People Make Legend", it mean one person can only achieve a little, while a group can achieve much more.

In many situation this is true indeed, but there is still some people who can achieve a lot alone but that just a minority. But I believe he/she can achieve much more in a group.

Let me give u a example,

Imagine in a game of dota, 1 pro person can kill maybe 3 person or more but it may result in a death. Yes he/she did achieve a lot, but if his/her teammate came to help, I believe most likely it’ll be a Team Clear. Oppssss, this is a example only for GAMER?? Oh so sorry.

Here another one,

There was this strong man who claim to be the strongest, then a wise man came and pass him a wooden chopstick.

Wiseman: Try and break this chopstick if you are really that strong.

Strong Man: Sure, that too simple.

( The next moment he broke the chopstick into half. )

Wiseman: Good one young man, but can you break 10 of it?

Strong Man: You bet I can.

( After one minute.... )

Strong Man: That sure is tough, why can't I break it he ask?

Wiseman: Simple, 1 chopstick is like 1 person working alone trying to beat a strong man like you. Sure he is bound to fail, like how you have broke a single chopstick. But when 10 chopsticks work together as one, it's like 10 men trying to pin you down, and it succeed by preventing you from breaking them. Teamwork is very important, you may be the strongest in the country, the world or even the universe, but when you are alone, you are just as weak as a single chopstick.

Strong Man: I understood, thanks for your advise wise man.

The morale of this story is to tell you how teamwork is important, in every situation. Even if you are the best in the world, you can't achieve much alone. Wow that inspiring, I would like to hear more. Oh I see.


So here the last one, I make it short and sweet, simple and inspiring.

Imagine it as you read,
Firstly, imagine you are a hand, having only 1 finger, then try and grab a something?

Secondly, imagine you are the biggest of all, the thumb, try to write?

Third, imagine you are the one connecting the fingers and thumb, the palm without fingers and thumb, try and shake a person hand?

Fourth, imagine you are together with your friends and peers, the whole hand, try to write?

Out of all the 4th scenario, how many are you able to imagine doing it?

I guess there's only one and it's the fourth scenario, right?

Your finger and palm is like a real life situation, the palm is the leader connecting the team player, both of them are interconnected and interdependent of each other. Without any part, it will not function like how it's mean to be. Teamwork is the key, everyone play a part xD.

"Overall my advice is play your part in a group, do what you need to do, because everyone is equally important. xD

2 Ears 1 Mouth

Back on posting again, got some idea of what to post. xD

What is it about? It involves moving your mouth.

Conversation/Talking?

Yeah that right.

Talking is a very good skill, learn to talk well, and you will have the whole world behind you.

But the truth is, I myself am not a good speaker. Then what are the problem I face, let's say lack of topic? I believe that the problem most people face too.

So what make a good speaker? A good speaker is someone who knows when to listen.

Let me give you a scenario,

Imagine you have a group of friends, talking about something. Let's say it's about a game you never heard before. What will you do? Cut in and act like you play it before? But the best way is actually listen to what they are talking about and ask them about it. Then they will reply you back, and there you have it. You have started a conversation.

There a sentence I heard somewhere from, it say, "a wise man know when to speak and when not too".

The truth is, conversation can make you and the other party closer, but too much will only make them feel irritated.

Why?

Imagine you are with a group of friends and there is this person who talks non-stop like a machine gun. Wow, after 10 minutes he is still the only one talking. I believe you will be bored too. Conversation means a 2 way interaction not a one way. So listen when you need to and talk when you have to. Give the other party a chance to voice out their opinion too. A one way conversation is not call a conversation, I will call it a speech.

Of course humor place an important part in a conversation too as it will spice up the mood. But too much of it won't be good. Too much humor will only make the other party laugh non-stop and thus not talking. So would that be called a conversation? Know your limit and everything will be fine.

So let's end this short with a quote.

"You can't speak about what you don't know."

A smile a day, chase the unhappy away :))

笑口常开，好彩之然来

OMG, it's in Chinese. I don't understand.

Alright!

Here the English meaning,
laugh mouth always open, good colour auto come.

Dun understands? That was a direct translation. Here the real meaning,
Keep a smile on your face, good things will come. xD

By now you should know what my topic for today.

Smile xD :)

Yippee, that right.

Why smile? Can smile really chase away unhappiness? What if I am sad and I just can't smile? So many why, right?

Before I begin, let me tell you about something interesting that why you should smile.

Did you know, Smiling Boosts Your Immune System?
I saw it on a website and it seems interesting. So I decided to post it here.

Why smile? Let me guide you more.

A simple answer to why you should smile is that it makes you happy. That happiness of yours will then passes on to others and make other happy. See what a good deed you have done by just smiling. Imagine you are walking on the street, feeling moody. No friends, no money, no girlfriend, no family and you say life suck. Then you accidentally drop a coin, someone pick it up and pass it to you with a smile on their face. How do you feel? Happy? Most probably you will.

Smile gives others an impression that you are friendly, cheerful, and have an outgoing personality. This will make you stand out and also think more positively. Don't believe it? Try it yourself. Does happy or sad stuff come to your mind?

How bored life can be if no one smile. Imagine you are walking on the streets and everywhere, you see people groaning or giving you an unhappy look. You will also feel unhappy too.

What if you can't smile as there is just too much unhappy stuff in your mind. How? Alright, let me teach you my personal method.

The only way to be happy is to smile, agree? If you can't, just wipe your mind off all unhappy stuffs and think about happy things that happen in your life before. Trust me; before you knew it, you are already smiling. xD

Before I end I would like to give you a quote, "A slightest smile wins the hardest frown"

So people, let's not groan or frown anymore, learn to smile. xD follows me and smile.

Impossible? No, I M Possible xD

How I wish I could rearrange the alphabetic order, so I can put U and I together.

But now all hope is lost, I guess its impossible now.


Alright off to my topic, Make the IMPOSSIBLE become I M POSSIBLE. They have the same letters, but it means two total different things.

One means you can’t achieve it, and the other mean you can.

How to make the impossible possible?

Let see, Usain Bolt of Jamaica, did an Olympic record in Beijing 2008 with a timing of 9.69s. Wow fast isn't it?

But my secondary school teacher once told me about a story about the 100 metre sprint record,

He said "In the past, there is no record pass 10s as many believe man cannot surpass the 10s barrier, then one guy who believe the impossible possible make it though, and thus making the record of 9.69s possible"

I was shock upon hearing it. Hmmm, it took so hard to just break the 10s barrier in the past, what make it possible to get a result of 9.69s which is nearing impossible to achieve at that time possible now?

It’s all about one thing, time. Time play a very important role in grooming talent, time make thing hard to believe possible, one example are computers, there was no such thing as computer in the past and now is so common in every household.

See how time play an important role in achieving the impossible possible.

But I wonder is it really times alone that make things happen. I doubt so. I think it's also about the right attitude and a positive mindset.

If u has the right attitude and a positive mindset, chances are you will success.

Why?

Because positive attitude and mindset bring in positive energy, thinking positive make you feel more confidence, and such making many things that seem impossible, possible.

If you always say it's impossible to do it, you will have a mindset telling you that it's impossible and thus you will not be able to achieve it as you will follow the path to fail. As your mindset tells you it is impossible to achieve it, you will work toward that very goal telling you that you will never achieve it, thus making you a failure.

Then what if a person says it's possible? Then it will be possible.

Let's us view though, if you say it’ possible, your mindset will be set to the goal that it will be possible. Thus it will make you work toward the goal, making it possible.

A summary about this post, always have the right attitude, a positive mindset and with time you will succeed as long as you follow your mind and work toward your goal.

Before I end this post I would like to give you a quote,

Nothing is impossible as long as you think it's possible.