It was 2am in the morning, the date was 22/10/10. I was using computer as usually. Smile. But I wasn't feel as normal as I should be. I felt unmotivated, feeling lonely at home, feeling lost.
Why?
I am sure the answer I gave will be kind of stupid but just bear with me. There are two reason,
1. I am having such bad luck this fews day that it kind of demotivated me.
2. School is about to start and there is something that making me afraid about it
Then when I was feeling real down, I decide to go to the fridge to grab a drink. Mainly because after drinking soft drink, I would normally feel much happier. Like how people drench their sorrow with alcohol. I don't drink alcohol and I hope I never will, so I use soft drink as a cover up. Haha.
While drinking my soft drink, I was hoping someone will chat with me and hear me out. Like my friend or something, or even ask me play a game of dota to calm myself. Then I when back to my computer and there was someone talking to me on MSN.
It was Hanzo, one of my old time maple buddy. At first I was afraid to talk to him, because of something that I did, which cause him great disappointed. I broke my promise on coming back to maple to make a guild, which I knew he had put in alot of effort in it. Sorry Hanzo, if you did see this.
But instead of blaming me or scolding me or whatever else I could think of. He ask me am I alright? And I remenber he said this a day before, "we dun blame u...we have our personal life loz..maple jus a virtual game.outside the maple world we still frenz rite.you free can come and talk to us inside or outside the maple world".
Such words are those which seem like just words, but it mean alot to me. We talk for around one hour till he became tired and when to bed. I told him about my competition and some stuff that is bothering me for quite sometimes ago.
Here's our conversaton,
ME: I am very unlucky this fews days in a game.
HE: Is a game, get some chill. Learn to look forward, this is what sucessful people do.
ME: Maybe that something that I need to learn.
HE: It's a life experience thing. I learn from experience, learn to take things easy.
(And he goes on and talk about how he was like me and how he overcome it, which I won't say it here, because it not right to.)
Then, after chatting for quite sometime, he told me this,
"You take sucess and defeat too hard, being top is good. Got honour and respect, but most important is the process of learning. You fall down once does not mean you will not climb to the top again. Learn from your mistake and work your way to the top. Losing a competition does not mean the end of the world, you are still young and have alot of hurldes to go. STOP THAT, it's a corward act. Climb up and try again, we will support you."
What he said has really created a deep impact, he change my mentality. Epsicially those in purple. Those are which I felt that is very meaningful and I should share it with you all. Learn from our mistake and stand up again. Most people just fall and don't stand up again, like the past me. But thanks to him I learn a valuable lesson.
It was also that day that I realise I have alot of stress build up in me. I always thought I was a carefree person, with no stress at all I suppose. My parents don't pressure me much in my studies at all. But the truth is I am giving myself stress without me knowing. True, my parent don't stress me in my studies, but because of my nature of always wanted to be the best and to do well. Stress started to build up internally. But luckly for me, I have a friend who is there to advise me of my problems. Smiles. Guess I will stop here for today as it is getting late, but I will like to end this with a quote,
"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."
By Friedrich Nietzsche.